True Pains

This post has been hard for me to write: because the truth hurts. I'm hopeful that putting "to paper and posting it on my wall," will help raise my living closer towards being in line with these truths.

I was told once that "There are two types of pain...." but today I'm going with four.

The Wrong Two
The first type is physical pain in our body, e.g. my cut finger, my broken let, my headache, my arthritis, my hunger, etc. The second is pain caused by things outside of our control, e.g. people being mean to me, the storm knocking the tree into my house, my sister getting shot at the convenience store by a robber, etc.

These two types of pain get lots of attention. There is much wisdom abounding in our society and in our books on the topics of helping us deal with these two (and also some great medications). But that doesn't make it easy: each of us has very real challenges in these areas, some more than others and each his own flavor. I adamantly admit that they are both very difficult and challenging parts of life, for sure.

I love to focus on pain of these two types. Part of why I love to focus on these is because they provide an escape from the other two types of pain, and they support an illusion that these types explain why I'm unhappy. But it's also important to recognize that neither of these types of pain have any influence on our happiness. [And before I get chewed out, those who know me know that I am familiar with significant pain, but I'll be the first to tell you that there are many who have pain much worse than what I live with, and I respect that. My comment here, read correctly, in no way disrespects anyone's pain.]

True Pain: Part One
The third type is pain caused by me "being an idiot." This does not mean pain caused by a consequence of my actions (e.g. my head hurts because I caused a car wreck), it is more pain along the "regret" sort of theme. It's the underlying sensitivity we all have to "making bad decisions" -- as honestly, we all know full well that we do. For me, the reason I focus on the two types of pain in the first category is to escape the reality that I am unhappy and that it's because I'm making bad decisions. The only real way to reduce this pain is to make better decisions, and I think we have a built-in aversion to that. But it's true, and we know it. This type of pain is removed only by us choosing to be better, and that hurts sometimes.

The "making bad decisions" variety of pain is a huge component of the pain currently on this planet and in our society. I have an upcoming post (I may make it two) on this topic. For now, let me say that it is under-appreciated by many, and that we too often try to alleviate this pain by every method possible except for the one method that will alleviate it: changing our actions.

True Pain: Part Two
I hear posed "The best way to solve a problem: Give up." I disagree completely: Giving up is never suitable for the High Order Bits. For things of less importance it may be OK to "let go," but happiness does not come from neglecting the weightier matters in life. Giving up might relieve the pain sometimes, but it doesn't lead to happiness or accomplishment. "Letting go" of something less important in favor of something more important can be wise; but this does not mean we're just giving up.

Do you ever get frustrated in life, wish you could do a better job at X? That's a good sign, it means you're still in the battle, you care, you haven't give up yet. Does it hurt when you see other people make bad decisions? That's a good sign, it means you care. It's not good that they make bad decisions, but it is good that you care about them and the effect of their decisions.

Happiness is not had without The Struggle. There is no joy without loving, without caring, without wanting, and without striving. Unfortunately, striving for better hurts. Caring about how things turn out, hurts. Happiness and joy are not had by the apathetic. I'm not saying we should seek out pain, but I am saying that we should not let pain stop us from pursuing that which matters most. I also, believe in The Struggle.

Happiness
To finish the quote I was told years ago: "There are two types of pain: pain from being an idiot and pain from caring." The two types of true pain are distinct from the two types in the first section in that, instead of having nothing to do with our happiness, these two types of pain define our happiness.

Our happiness depends on two things: making good decisions and loving, striving, caring. There are two types of pain: pain from being an idiot and pain from caring. Reduce the first. Be strong enduring the second, and do not let it keep you from what you want the most. When do you don't feel it anymore, you're either in timeout (you only get three per quarter) or you're not in the game anymore. Stay in the game.