True Pains

This post has been hard for me to write: because the truth hurts. I'm hopeful that putting "to paper and posting it on my wall," will help raise my living closer towards being in line with these truths.

I was told once that "There are two types of pain...." but today I'm going with four.

The Wrong Two
The first type is physical pain in our body, e.g. my cut finger, my broken let, my headache, my arthritis, my hunger, etc. The second is pain caused by things outside of our control, e.g. people being mean to me, the storm knocking the tree into my house, my sister getting shot at the convenience store by a robber, etc.

These two types of pain get lots of attention. There is much wisdom abounding in our society and in our books on the topics of helping us deal with these two (and also some great medications). But that doesn't make it easy: each of us has very real challenges in these areas, some more than others and each his own flavor. I adamantly admit that they are both very difficult and challenging parts of life, for sure.

I love to focus on pain of these two types. Part of why I love to focus on these is because they provide an escape from the other two types of pain, and they support an illusion that these types explain why I'm unhappy. But it's also important to recognize that neither of these types of pain have any influence on our happiness. [And before I get chewed out, those who know me know that I am familiar with significant pain, but I'll be the first to tell you that there are many who have pain much worse than what I live with, and I respect that. My comment here, read correctly, in no way disrespects anyone's pain.]

True Pain: Part One
The third type is pain caused by me "being an idiot." This does not mean pain caused by a consequence of my actions (e.g. my head hurts because I caused a car wreck), it is more pain along the "regret" sort of theme. It's the underlying sensitivity we all have to "making bad decisions" -- as honestly, we all know full well that we do. For me, the reason I focus on the two types of pain in the first category is to escape the reality that I am unhappy and that it's because I'm making bad decisions. The only real way to reduce this pain is to make better decisions, and I think we have a built-in aversion to that. But it's true, and we know it. This type of pain is removed only by us choosing to be better, and that hurts sometimes.

The "making bad decisions" variety of pain is a huge component of the pain currently on this planet and in our society. I have an upcoming post (I may make it two) on this topic. For now, let me say that it is under-appreciated by many, and that we too often try to alleviate this pain by every method possible except for the one method that will alleviate it: changing our actions.

True Pain: Part Two
I hear posed "The best way to solve a problem: Give up." I disagree completely: Giving up is never suitable for the High Order Bits. For things of less importance it may be OK to "let go," but happiness does not come from neglecting the weightier matters in life. Giving up might relieve the pain sometimes, but it doesn't lead to happiness or accomplishment. "Letting go" of something less important in favor of something more important can be wise; but this does not mean we're just giving up.

Do you ever get frustrated in life, wish you could do a better job at X? That's a good sign, it means you're still in the battle, you care, you haven't give up yet. Does it hurt when you see other people make bad decisions? That's a good sign, it means you care. It's not good that they make bad decisions, but it is good that you care about them and the effect of their decisions.

Happiness is not had without The Struggle. There is no joy without loving, without caring, without wanting, and without striving. Unfortunately, striving for better hurts. Caring about how things turn out, hurts. Happiness and joy are not had by the apathetic. I'm not saying we should seek out pain, but I am saying that we should not let pain stop us from pursuing that which matters most. I also, believe in The Struggle.

Happiness
To finish the quote I was told years ago: "There are two types of pain: pain from being an idiot and pain from caring." The two types of true pain are distinct from the two types in the first section in that, instead of having nothing to do with our happiness, these two types of pain define our happiness.

Our happiness depends on two things: making good decisions and loving, striving, caring. There are two types of pain: pain from being an idiot and pain from caring. Reduce the first. Be strong enduring the second, and do not let it keep you from what you want the most. When do you don't feel it anymore, you're either in timeout (you only get three per quarter) or you're not in the game anymore. Stay in the game.

The High Order Bits

In the number 1375, 1 is the most significant digit and 5 is the least significant. When doing mathematical operations you can do some funny magic by being inconsistent with which end is most significant, as illustrated by the Kettle's:

We actually do this in computer science all the time: given the two bytes 0x0200, we can get very different numbers depending on if the first byte is most significant (it's 768) or the second (it's 3). It turns out that some computer hardware always treats the first as most significant, and some computer hardware always treats the last as most significant. This is known as Endianness and we talk about "big endian" and "little endian" to refer to the two systems. It is absolutely essential that we are careful to make sure that all operations are done in the right endianness. If we're inconsistent, bad things happen.

Another interesting aspect of the Kettle's little performance there is that they are 100% convinced that they are right, and that their son is left speechless -- astounded at what is happening.

Unfortunately, each of us runs into the same situation nearly every day (the frequency is increasing at an alarming pace): someone expressing a point of view which is arrived at by swapping the importance of things, and which too often leaves us dumbfounded and speechless due to their ignorant confusion. What does one say when presented with an argument that is clear and precise (like that of Pa Kettle's) and in which the presenter obviously completely believes is sound and true and correct, and yet we know that they are totally off base? Further, what do we do when we discover that presenting the truth is like trying to straighten out Pa Kettle?

Often, my response is like Pa's son: try a couple times, realize the situation I'm in, and throw up my hands. But what should I do when the topic is an important one? What if the topic is one of critical importance to my country? to my family? to my finances? to my friend's health?

The long-term solution is education. I'm not talking about education regarding the things that are taught in our wonderful primary schools (reading, writing, 'rithmetic, etc.), I'm talking about education regarding 1) things as they really are, and 2) critical thinking skills. Part of this blog is an attempt to stand up and contribute to the educated-ness of the people in this world. But what about the short-term? When a significantly large portion of the population is making arguments like the Kettle's, on topics that are pressing and relevant in our day, what is one to do?

Nobody is "Blind"
From centuries ago comes the philosophical question: If a man is born blind, does he ever really know what it means to be blind? I'm not talking about people's eyeballs here, I'm talking about the "eyes of their understanding." How do we correct the confusion in the world that occurs when people do not realize they are blind?

Personally, I do not believe anyone is totally blind: I believe that all people have the potential to see. But many people do not realize that they are not doing their math right, arriving at bogus solutions via arguments which invert priorities, confuse endianness, and are inconsistent. And how to correctly teach the Kettle's the truth when they have been so well indoctrinated by faulty math? It is easier to educate than to correct mis-education, and it's especially hard when urgency comes into play.

The Good and the Better
There is a lot of merit to the saying that "the Good is the enemy of the Best" but there's also much merit to Voltaire's notion that "Perfect is the enemy of Good." How do we decide which is the right saying to apply in a given case? Well, math saves the day again:

In the number 1375, the 5 is important: It contributes, it should be looked after, it should be taken care of, nobody should say ill of it, nobody should knock it, etc. But the 1 is more important. If you have to be fuzzy or imperfect on one of them, make it the 5 and not the 1. When we swap endianness arbitrarily, math like the Kettles' is the result. To Voltaire and the other wise folk I say: Do your very best on the important things, and be happy with "good enough" on the less important things. There are important issues in this universe, one's that shouldn't be knocked, nobody should speak ill of, etc. But if there are more important issues, than we need less ruckus about the less important ones.

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This post is not news to anyone, we all already knew these things. We all know that it's important to prioritize things and to get those relative priorities correct. This post is not a call for more prioritization, it's a call for people to start standing up for the things that really are most important. Many of the most important things are getting eclipsed these days by lots of noise and attention being given to less important things.

Today is the day for those who see things as they really are, to stand and teach. Teach the truth, and encourage people to sharpen their critical thinking skills -- we'll all need as much of that as we can get. Do not be afraid to say that "1 is more important that 5" -- assuming it actually is. There are people who disagree with you on what is most important. How does one know what is actually most important? That post is coming. But if you ask me, I'll tell you straight: 1 is more important than 5.

A Big Boat

I think there are only a few, who can say they've been blogging longer than they've been reading blogs. I am not one of those few. Probably I am a fairly "latecomer" to this blogging bit. How fitting then, that I include a topic I've been thinking about for a very long time: a big boat. And I'm expecting some flaming comments today :)

Bob's Life
I'd like to tell you a little about Bob (name changed). He lived roughly 1000 years ago. First Bob's day, then his life:

Bob gets up in the morning, a bit hungry, not quite having gotten enough sleep, with a bit of a crick in his back from sleeping on it wrong. Bob prepares himself for his day, and then proceeds to spend a fair bit of it doing the things that need to be done in order to improve his shelter and procure food and keep himself warm and generally reduce his discomforts. He looks forward to wrapping this up though, because he's got a few friends that he'll see in the evening,shootin ' the breeze and laughing at the entertaining stunt Wally pulled last week. Bob gets to bed a bit late, with a headache. Tomorrow's a big day: the in-laws are arriving.

Bob started out like most folk: learning how to walk, how to express himself, how to control his anger, how to take responsibility for his actions, and how to make decisions. As he grew, he discovered more of his interests, his likes and dislikes, and started learning more about himself. Dealing with his hormones became a part of his life. His interactions with other people started to get more complex as he found himself feeling kinda funny around that one person, irritated around that other, learning when to bite his tongue and when to let it all out. He learned, by some experience and some guidance from others, when to not hit people, the appropriate way to deal with his anger, and how to show people that he loved them. He set out to do what he wanted to in life, but got distracted by doing what he needed to do to keep food in his belly, to keep himself out of trouble (sometimes), and by his increased responsibilities at home. His body starts to bug him at work sometimes, and at night. He finds he has less patience with the new crop of idiots in town. He's busy as all get out, and wonders if life will ever quiet down for him. He has learned some things, but nobody cares what he thinks anymore. He finds it easy to be grumpy if he wants to be, but he has good memories, still enjoys the sunsets, knows he has made some good decisions in life, and has forgotten many of the bad ones. He's glad that new building in the town center has gone up, he's worked hard on that and it's something he believes will greatly help the community. He's starting to wonder what it'll be like to take his "long winter's nap."

Oh, and Bob lost a leg in the war, many years ago.

My Life and Yours
Bob's life was his own. I have mine, and you have yours. In our day, most lives are remarkably similar to Bob's -- of course with our own flavor. Similar are the lives of people of all countries, persuasions, classes, finances, cultures, etc. All, are people.

Victor Hugo wrote three books which he said were intended to be read together as a group: Les Miserables, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Toilers of the Sea. The last is one of my favorites. The three together paint a picture covering the entire gamut of the human condition. But these are not the only timeless classics, there are many. I see myself, and other people I know, in old classic literature. Why do classic tales, even those much much older than Hugo, connect to people? I posit that it's because we are the same today as we were then. In reading the old tales, fact and fiction alike, I find myself part of a vast body of folks. The human experience is what it always has been, and I'm one of them.

They say that the only sure thing in life is change. I posit today that the most important things in life remain totally unchanged -- the human experience is what it always has been. But today's essay goes beyond that:

It is common to have notions about the personal characteristics of people in other financial/social classes/life situations; this can include notions about intellect, cleanliness, snootiness, pride, grittiness, friendliness, charitable-ness, etc., etc. I posit though, based partly on observation and partly on supposition, that in actuality one's social and/or financial status has absolutely zero predicting power on one's ability to deal with anger, one's inclination to pride, one's inclination to be shy, one's marriage enhancing skills, one's charitable tendencies, etc. etc. Look around honestly, and tell me if that's not what you see.

The point today is that not only is life the same as it always has been, it's also the same for me as it is for the rich folk in one end of town and the same as it is for the poor folk at the other. And it's the same for the people in Sweden as it is for folk in the Ivory Coast, as it is for the people in Mexico, Japan, etc. etc.

Take this Home
Are we fundamentally the same people that roamed the earth 1000 years ago, and also the same as our neighbors across the globe? I'm saying yes: in my experience creating who I become and what I do with my life, I find I am not the first one in this boat.

The take home lesson, for me in my life, has been an improved view of the people I interact with, and a more honest view of myself. It also helps me to better critique the trends I see in society around me, and see through some of the confusion. Do you think there is anything fundamentally important that has changed in the last 1000 or so years? What should be the take home lesson?

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Appendix A
This is a pro-active response to a few things that I expect most people would suggest have changed in the last 1000 or so years.

• We're more civilized now than we used to be: less wars and generally nicer to each other, etc. Nope.
• Modern communications let's us communicate with more people much faster than before. Still, I suspect the number of people with which we have close relationships is not larger than it has been -- we only have so much emotional relationship budget.
• My mother lives a few hundred miles away, further than families used to be apart. And I fly around now in my car at 70mph, much faster than the foot or horse we used to depend on. Combined though, my mother lives less than half a day away -- suddenly not so atypical.
• What about our rights? Unfortunately, there are some truths which are only taken seriously when stated by select people. Fortunately, I claim to be able to make the statement I'm about to, as I am a part of a minority group which has been significantly persecuted in the recent past. My heritage is still very near to me. With those credentials, I say that nothing has changed in the way of "rights," even in the last 1000 or even 3000 years. Always there have been large numbers of people who have been repressed, prejudiced against, persecuted, etc. Each individual has had some set of rights. It's never been as much as we think it should be -- always some group should have more. Always there have been struggles to relieve such repressions etc. Sure, in our time we have more rights for this group and for that group than we used to. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying we shouldn't continue to work for more rights for all, and equality and all that. Still, I claim that life for the individual has always included various degrees of freedoms, repressions, persecutions, prejudices, etc. It's always been part of life to struggle and to be influenced more than we like by others. And unfortunately, life has always been unfair.
• We know more now than people dd years ago, but there is still so much to learn. Our education systems are getting poorer -- it has always taken an "endowed" person to get an above average education. We all influence some people who know less than us, and are influenced by people who know more than us. We still have a hard time figuring out who knows and who just thinks they know.
• My house has insulation, which wasn't common 1000 years ago. But I'm much more of a baby than people were back then, especially when it comes to wet toes and cold fingers.
• I have better food available to me now than people did 1000 years ago. Now we're talking! :)
  

I do think that the medical and health related advances of the centuries have had real impact on our daily lives, for good. While I fully expect there will always be some form of sickness and death, we have less now and we live healthier lives longer now than we used to. If only we could live our lives today happier than those in the past, but that's a topic for a future post.